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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out

Another link up with Shell at Things I Can't Say for a Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday. Like always, show some love and visit the others that are linked up under her post today. You can never have too many followers!


Who decides what makes a "good" parent? You? Your parents? Your parent's parents? The experts? The doctors? Who decides if you're a good momma or not?

I often wonder this. This isn't a post to "toot my own horn," but very often I have people tell me that I'm such a good momma. That because stay up until midnight making fun, homemade snackies for school snacks, I'm such a good momma. That because I sew my kids fun jammie pants for holiday's, I'm such a good momma. That because I have the kids choose a dinner one night a week and then let them help me make it, I'm such a good momma. That because my house looks like a pre-school room, I'm such a good momma.

These comments are usually followed by something along the lines of, "I couldn't imagine doing that," or "I don't know how you do it," or "I could never do all that."

The people that say these things...do they think I'm any better than they are because I do do these types of things? Do they think they are bad momma's because they choose to go to bed at 10:00 instead of sewing or baking until midnight?

I had a conversation with Mrs. Best Friend the other day. She called. It was around 10:00pm, and I was in the kitchen. Baking. 2 cakes for a class party McKenzie was having the next day. And I had just put the first one in the oven. I still had to bake a whole nother one, frost and decorate both. In other words, a few more hours of cake baking left.

She says to me, "What the hell? Why don't you just go buy a couple cakes from Meijer?"

I told her I enjoy doing it. I like to do this kind of stuff. It's my thang, my knack. She went on to say something along the lines of, "No way. It's 10:00 at night. I'd never do that. I'd run my happy ass to Meijer, fork over the $20 for a couple cakes, and call it a night! You're such a good momma."

Does she think that because she chose to have Meijer bake her cakes, that she won't be as good of a momma as I am? I sure hope not. I'm no better than she is. Because she chooses to use her extra time for a hot shower every day, and I don't...will that make her a better momma than me? Because I shower every other day instead? No, it doesn't.

You can't compare yourself to other mom's. There are some basic things that qualify you as a good mom...like teaching your kids right from wrong, teaching them manners, helping them learn to read, providing them food, clothing, and shelter. Pretty much if you do that, then I figure you're a good mom. All the extra stuff is just that. Extra.

Every one's extra is different. Mine happens to be baking/cooking with my kids and sewing. Yours may happen to be an extra shower every day and teaching your child sign language. Or taking a bike ride together every day and playing basketball.

What ever your thang is, don't ever let another momma make you feel like you're less of a momma to your kids. As long as the basics are met, you're a great momma. No one's better than you, and you're not better than any one else.

5 comments:

finallyMom

i agree... though i do think it's awesome that your thang is baking and whatnot. :)

Sara

I loved this- I don't have kids, but it applies to women in general. How we handle certain tasks and choices don't make us better or worse- just different!!

Shell

Such great perspective! I think being a good mama is about loving our kids. Period.

Kristin @ What She Said

As someone who would also choose to buy a cake rather than bake it, I'd find myself worrying that a mother like you might judge a mother like me. And some women might do just that. So, I really enjoyed reading such a refreshing, level-headed perspective. You DO sound like a good mom if that's the example you're setting for your kids.

Melissa Taylor

when I started having anxiety attacks, I went to therapy and found it was all about my mother's voice in my head - I was doing it wrong. My therapist gave me the best tip to ridicule my anxiety. I picked my favorite silly voice which happens to be the mom in the Life of Brain movie (Monty Python) and would say to myself "You suck as a mother!" IT always made me laugh and the truth would win over the anxiety. Pretty soon I had all my friends doing it too - it was so fun.

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